“A Biblical Worldview” (Ephesians 5:21-6:9)

The text of Ephesians continues to address Christians on their manner of living. The way of living of a Jesus follower is crucial – in their witness to the community about the hope and purpose that there is in an intimate relationship with God – but also in being an encouragement and support for all those others in one’s congregation.

The followers of Paul’s practical theology, who compiled this letter to the Ephesians, having observed the cultural norms and known the household codes operating at the time of writing, would want to see members of the Christian church be able to excel in their close relationships, to completely understand the nature of good functioning relationships. If one is a verbal advocate of Jesus, then one must live life in community in the light of this!

Often when talking about the nature of marriage relationships, people will turn to Ephesians 5 (without considering the context of what has come before) and commence quoting at verse 22. This has proved to be most unfortunate. This selective reading has come from patriarchal agendas to keep males in supreme and controlling positions in family, church and society. Jesus of course was the great liberator of oppressed women, to the great disgust of the religious leaders of the time; one of those grace induced attitudes that got Jesus crucified by men, leaving loyal women weeping at the foot of the cross.

Christians within any society or culture that tends to oppress women in their role in the family or downplay the responsibilities of husbands (such as in the society that this text was originally written to) should hear the liberating call of this scripture for husbands and wives to be involved in mutual and reciprocal submission within their marriage relationships. This scripture, properly interpreted, actually upgrades the place of women in the family, through challenging men to take on their appropriate roles rather than abrogating them.

Before we move past the more general ethical challenges to specially address marriage, parenting, and the wider household from verse 21, we should first recall some of the preceding verses that lead up to here:

5:1-2a > "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us…" LOVE IS THE KEY TO THE CHRISTIAN LIFE.

5:8 > "For once you were darkness, but now in the Lord you are light. Live as children of light…" LIVING IN THE LIGHT, RATHER THAN IN DARKNESS, IS THE KEY TO EXPRESSING THAT LOVE.

5:15 > "Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise…" WE HAVE THE ASSISTANCE OF GOD IN DETERMINING WHAT IS WISE AS OPPOSED TO UNWISE BEHAVIOUR.

Now, 5:21 > "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ".

All relationships should begin with and be pursued in the context of equality. Paul wrote to the Galatians many years before: “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus” (3:28). God looks upon everyone with the same level of love, grace and favour. All human beings are equal in Jesus’ sight; and thus the Jesus following community must always be a shining example of this.

Larry Richards > "I don’t know whether to be angry at the way some Christians twist this passage, or to weep. I’ve done each at times. Angry, when a husband misuses this passage as a club in an attempt to dominate his wife. Weeping, when a wife has surrendered her hopes and talents and even her identity in an effort to be obedient to what she thought Scripture taught."

So, we begin by understanding the centrality of this equality, and then start teasing out the roles and responsibilities within family life.

What does it mean to be subject to one another? (or as the NIV reads: “Submit to one another…”)

· Being accountable to the other person for their priorities and behaviour
· To fulfill the responsibilities we have to the other
· Being committed to the well-being of the other
· To banish all thoughts of superiority
· Being concerned that the other will reach their full potential
· To understand how interdependent (or, how connected) you are in your relationship
· To consider the other (and their needs) as being just as important, if not more important, than your own
· To give up some of your own desires for the sake of the other [in his letter to the Philippians, Paul writes, in introducing the sacrificial mind of Jesus … “Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others” (2:4)].

Of course this only really works if it happens mutually, however the example of such behaviour must start somewhere, and we have no excuse for it not starting with us! Life is centred around relationships – therefore we have to take whatever conciliatory action is necessary to preserve and grow these relationships. We must keep talking about our relationships in the context of mutual responsibility, accountability and sacrifice.

It is in this context that husbands are given the leadership role in the family. It is interesting in a passage that often is seen as beginning and ending at verse 22, that the majority of the text dealing with marriage responsibilities is addressed to the husband (most of verses 25-33). A husband’s leadership is not a position of domineering autocratic self-serving ruler-ship, but rather, a high responsibility toward self-sacrificing servant-hood. Just as Jesus, the head of the church, served and gave his life for humanity, a husband will lead by doing everything he can to uplift the well-being of his wife. As the church is Jesus’ bride whom he sustains with life, the husband should lead by offering life-giving spirit, as if he himself was representing Jesus in this marriage relationship.

Husbands are to set an example of servant-hood for their family to follow. Just as Jesus gave up his very life to give birth to the Church, husbands should be prepared to give up anything that impedes family life, and take on responsibility for anything that will advance good family functioning.

If husbandly leadership is expressed this way, then wives can wholeheartedly support and help their husbands to fulfill their role. Wives can encourage their husband’s crucial roles in decision-making, bread-winning and disciplining the children. A wife can trust the servant-husband-leader that he has the family’s best interests at heart (if he has shown himself to be reliable, trustworthy and wholly committed). This then promotes a level of communication between a couple that allows them to grow closer together, be further united as one; and become an undividable source of God’s blessing to their wider family, church community and the world in general. Husbands should express their leadership by releasing their wives’ natural capacity to fully love their husbands.

Yet this passage (at v.22) realistically acknowledges that women are best placed to set the example for voluntary acts of submission, thus encouraging their husbands toward being the best exponents of love that they could ever be. Wives will need to do everything they can to encourage and uplift their husbands to reach their full potential in life and in God. Wives need to help their husbands to develop their self-esteem and feelings of worth, in this context where men are portrayed and generalized in television commercials as blithering idiots. Perhaps the male population have deserved this counter attack because of how we have allowed women to be mistreated, however, if men are going to take proper responsibility in the family, they have to be respected and highly valued.

Marriage should be a journey of discovery, growth and change; of repentance, forgiveness and deep bonding; this all depending upon a mutual commitment to the needs of the other – what the vows taken during a marriage ceremony should be all about.

[[These are of course ideals, often not present, certainly rarely seen outside of mutual commitments to God. We need to be constantly prayerful for those struggling in this area, especially for those with spouses not inclined to God’s ways. We should also be prayerful for those who have lost their spouse through death or divorce, and also those who are single and who would like to be married. Yet these ideals are worthy of all our attention, because again they emphasize the importance of how human beings in all types of relationships need to work at getting on with each other effectively.]]

Just a little more on marriage though: this text in Ephesians endorses the marriage principles given in Genesis 2:24:

5:31 > ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’

God has so ordained it that when a man and a woman meet, and find themselves in love, and are compatible enough to spend the rest of their lives together, that they enter a covenant relationship (with ideally the blessing of their respective parents) formed and forged into one new being for ever. This is then [and only then] celebrated with sexual intimacy, which can then lead to the building of a larger family unit.

The husband will set a strong example of love, loving his wife as much as he loves himself and his own body. The wife will respect such love by reciprocating with love of her own. Mistreating your wife or husband should be just as objectionable as mistreating yourself – because two have become one flesh (v.28-9). Truly loving your spouse comes through understanding that you’re now loving the one who has become part of yourself; so fused into one single entity, that to love the other is to love yourself; in providing for the other you are working in your own best interests.

Of course to effectively love another, we have to truly value ourselves and the wonderful contribution we personally can make to our relationship. But also to reach our potential to fully love another, we need to allow God through His Word to touch our hearts and minds and have some of our rough edges smoothed over.

Further implications of this text are clear:

a) Sexual intimacy belongs within marriage alone! Ignoring how God ordained relationships to progress and form will bring serious repercussions. When the world through television and film portrays that you can move from one so-called ‘relationship’ to another, and experiment however you like, without any harm being done – then the world through these forms of media is lying to you!

b) A Forgiving God – when lines have been crossed, or relationships have broken down, we know that God is a God of grace and re-creation, and that He can bring forgiveness, healing and restoration, such that we can find fresh love and a true relationship – if we give our lives completely over to Him!

c) Marriage can wait until you find the person that God is preparing for you!

d) If one spouse is not ultimately prepared to properly love and submit themselves to the other and correctly fulfill their wedding vows, then that other one is not expected to continue to suffer under any resultant oppressive domination (only remains under an obligation to do what they can to resurrect the relationship until all hope is lost).

e) Marriage relationships and family life has been designed by God in continuity with God’s purposes and creativity on the larger scale. So one cannot live in a particular way in the family and in a very different way in the church community or in society! All of one’s relationships should intersect credibly and consistently. In many respects the household is the micro example of God’s larger purpose – so our integrity and Christian witness must begin there!

The text then goes on to specifically address children (6:1-3) and fathers (6:4). Of course the sort of obedient response expected of children actually most depends upon the commitment and wisdom of the parenting they receive. It will all depend upon the example of love, selflessness and unity they see, together with the proper positioning of boundaries for the sake of a child’s learning and protection. You will have to earn being honoured as a parent through expressing a very high level of loving effort toward your children’s well-being and future.

Children and young people, as they start to gain some maturity themselves, should seek to “honour” their parents in their very crucial role; understanding that being 100% loving does not make them perfect or infallible, but they are still trying their very best and have their children’s best interests at heart. “Honouring” one’s parents means:
· giving them respect, valuing them as people, try to get to know them
· accepting them as [God-given] role models in your life,
· listening to advice
· talking about what’s happening and stuff that worries you
· following what such loving parents say, even if it doesn’t totally make sense yet
· giving them a little space and cutting them a little slack at times, and
· committing yourself to the well-being of your whole family – be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

If this is to work out well, then parents will also need to be really good listeners (and able interpreters of a somewhat strange language and culture); and need to seek to continue ‘to get to know’ their young people as they develop, learn and mature. Some will test the boundaries to breaking point and beyond, but God has called you to love them and correct them – and to never give up!

And so we have read how family life in the culture of the 1st century world has been re-interpreted in the light of the servant-hood example of Jesus. Now we read in the verses that follow (6:5-9) about the curious situation of some in the first century churches being slaves to other members, or indeed masters of other members in the earthly affairs of life. Now we know that slavery is an abomination, however, this text doesn’t seek to overthrow the slavery system – that was beyond the scope of these little letters in the 1st Century CE. But again this letter does seek to challenge how Christians respond to situations of adversity and difficulty, as well as situations of responsibility and vulnerability.

We could be critical that there seems to be no prophetically critical voice here concerning slavery, and many have been critical in this way, yet to do so means that what is intended in the text could be missed. At its most basic, the text reminds us that those who are in positions of responsibility over vulnerable others must treat these people properly as equal recipients of God’s grace and members of God’s family. And those who find themselves under the control of others must not disrupt their witness of the integrity of their Christian life by wishing ill to them, indeed they should try their best to be seen as respectful and faithful workers (as if they were working for God).

As was said earlier, the Jesus following church community must always be a shining example of the value and importance of every individual. As we show our commitment to the well-being of each other, understand how interdependent we are, consider the needs of others as being just as important as our own, we can then effectively play out our particular God-given roles in family, church and society with great credibility and witness to the wonder and grace of God.