Father's Day Sermon - "What Makes a Man?" (John 21:15-19)

When a man is at the end of his tether, is really really angry, at the bottom of his energy levels, and he feels he can’t take anymore – what can make a difference?

I say “man” deliberately today on Father’s Day, so that men here gathered may take special notice, and perhaps gain some insights that will help them become better husbands, fathers, employees and employers. But this doesn’t mean that the women should go to sleep or leave the room, because if “men” are going to become better husbands and fathers and human beings, then they are going to need a fair bit of help. And it is likely that the required help will come through encouragement based on sound principles (rather than criticism). This is because the process of change can be very hard indeed; especially when there are factors (sometimes very dark) in a bloke’s background that has caused much pain (often unacknowledged and unspoken of). When a man feels guilt for the past and shame in the present – what can make a difference? That is what we are specifically addressing today, but the answer is likely to be very similar for women when the same question is put to them!

The famous disciple Peter was at rock bottom once; and we’ll discover more about that in a minute. Ultimately to address Peter’s perilous situation, Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me more than these?”. It has been long debated what the “these” refers to here ... certain things (things of the world) or the boats and nets of the fishing business, or this may have addressed the question as to whether Peter loved Jesus more than the other disciples did. But the crucial point to take from this text is that Jesus asks Peter about his level of love for Jesus, and whether that love supersedes everything else (and whether this love will be allowed to reach its heights). Jesus didn’t ask whether Peter would work for Jesus or preach for Jesus or jump through hoops for Jesus, but rather asked simply whether he absolutely loved Jesus.

And as this was so crucial, he asked Peter this question not just once, not twice, but three times. Could this have been because Peter had recently denied knowing Jesus three times?!? This thought leads us to recall the situation Peter was in. Peter had gallantly and loyally followed Jesus for three years; yet Peter had never quite understood the nature of Jesus’ mission and the fact that it would prematurely end in crucifixion. Peter had not been able to see past his confusion and angst about Jesus’ imminent death, to truly hear and understand Jesus’ predictions of the resurrection. Peter was locked into his own way of seeing things and doing things which led him to act in contrary ways to the ways of Jesus. Peter even tried to correct Jesus about this path to the cross and took to violence to try to intervene at Jesus’ arrest. But hadn’t Jesus taught, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they [and not others] will be called children of God”! Then in confusion and disappointment and fear, Peter repeatedly denied even knowing Jesus. This was in the face of Peter’s own misplaced confidence that he would never do such a thing!

What happened then??? Peter would no doubt have had feelings of abject failure, defeat and unworthiness. Following the cock crowing, Peter broke down and wept bitterly [according to synoptics]. Peter said to himself ... ‘What sort of a guy would deny knowing their friend?’. Peter felt guilt for what he had done – he had let Jesus down when he was needed most! Peter also felt shame, because this all revealed something deficient about who he was! Guilt said to Peter that he had done wrong! Shame said to Peter that he was a bad person! And so Peter, tail between his legs, headed back to the fishing business ... a complete reversal of where he had been heading the last three years! Of course, physical and emotional withdrawals are key evidences of “shame”.

Yet this could not be how things would be left. For Peter was a man created lovingly by God – to know, love and serve Him. Yes, Peter was fallibly human, but also had shown limitless potential (for the Kingdom of God). Beyond all this even, Peter, like all of us, was a man in need of a relationship with Jesus.

Following Jesus’ various appearances, a miraculous catch of fish, and being convinced that Jesus had really risen from the dead, Peter sat down over breakfast with Jesus. Now that’s a good thought for us men ... to sit down with Jesus at breakfast. What would Jesus say to us at breakfast about the day ahead? We can be sure that, despite the possibility of some correction, this will be a time of encouragement. Peter himself wasn’t condemned or criticised, just loved (with compassion). Here, at this particular fish breakfast, was Peter’s chance for a new future ... but what would he have to do? Peter would have to confess his love for Jesus three times.

We read that Peter felt “hurt” when Jesus asked him about this for the third time. One could imagine that this was the “hurt” that had been built by the accumulative guilt and shame of the past, and now it was coming to the surface. Jesus was addressing Peter’s feelings of unworthiness face on! And now this hurt, guilt and shame was being overlayed and dealt with by the invitation to love Jesus. For as we are invited to love Jesus, then we already know that we have been loved, accepted and valued by God. But still our feelings of guilt and shame have to be positively dealt with or they will kill us! Especially shame ... which take human beings into the realm of some very dark thinking and behaviour patterns.

So, what did Peter need to do? Peter needed to respond to God’s love in his life by loving Jesus wholly and absolutely (and following that through)! Peter was being asked to look Jesus in the eye and reaffirm his love for him (not just once but three times to counteract the negative power of his three denials). Jesus was in effect saying to Peter (with a heart full of concern)... ‘Take responsibility and don’t let (your) shame destroy your future ... I still trust you as my friend!’.

Now, how hard is it for the modern bloke to say out loud and publicly that they love Jesus?!? Maybe for many ... pretty darn hard! Yet this could be the most transforming thing a man could do or say. Peter searched his heart and knew that he was telling the truth; and what a difference this was about to make! To confirm what is true on the inside with a public confession is the way forward in becoming the man we are meant to be.

The result in Peter’s case was complete restoration as a person (without the need to feel guilt and shame) and the affirmation of a pastoral responsibility for all of God’s children ... “Feed my lambs” and “tend my sheep”.

It is those who can say (with credibility) that they love Jesus, that can be most used by him. In Peter’s capacity to affirm a love for Jesus lay his ultimate personal character potential.

And so with all of us, if we can affirm a love for Jesus (in response to his love for us) we will be best placed as husbands, fathers and friends as we meet the challenges, especially the family challenges, that lie behind and ahead. This is because as we love Jesus, we bring to the table all that baggage we have collected and allow Jesus to rearrange it. Our guilt is met by forgiveness; and our shame is met by healing. Where we used to fear and withdraw, we now engage and nurture our lambs.

To “feed” means teaching sound principles and providing for needs. To “tend” means bringing significant levels of care and support (both in practical and spiritual ways).

In the film “Life As A House”, the central character played by Kevin Kline was the most unhappy dysfunctional man imaginable, so much so that progressively he lost his wife, his family, his purpose and eventually his career as well. Like Peter, we observe him hitting rock bottom! Yet there remained within him, also like Peter, an element of life and light that enabled him to respond to the possibility of change and begin to rebuild. He dealt with his shame by investing himself full-time in something outside of himself ... his drug-addicted son. He began to ‘tend his lamb’.

Even though this process of transformation was cut short for him by illness, the differences he made within a very short time in his family and neighbourhood (once he started dealing with his demons) was staggering. What makes a man is the humility, honesty and courage to embrace change, and in the case of those of us who have heard the gospel, it is the willingness to say, ‘I love Jesus’.

What does it mean to love Jesus in the cut and thrust of daily life?? It’s to reflect Jesus’ attitudes in our daily interactions. It’s to act for Jesus in daily situations. It’s to have a positive view about people and a positive impact on their life. It is also to stand against injustice and violence in its many forms. It’s to say ‘No’ to any bullying and abuse. It is to open up (rather than wreck) the possibility of faith in others. It’s to reflect light and hope and purpose into all of life’s difficulties and challenges.

Loving Jesus will mean that we are more patient, more teachable, more kind, more forgiving and more peace-loving. And really loving Jesus will mean that we will certainly be leaders in the community (and not merely followers). Peter’s life would have been so much the lesser if he’d ignored Jesus’ call. What about you blokes? Will you express your love for Jesus, and thereby be part of the broad experience of transformation!

This is so important for you younger men! To be able to say that you love Jesus here and now will be so helpful to you as you make so many crucial decisions about careers, friendships, relationships and what you consider to be your most important priorities. These priorities will likely look very different to those who don’t know Jesus, but these same such priorities will be the ones that build the boundaries that will protect you and bring you ultimate satisfaction in life.