Protecting Marriages - A Sermon on Mark 10:1-12

(1) Original Context

We have to be very careful with a passage like this to derive what is being said, and not get carried away with what is not really being addressed. Part of this is to know who is being addressed and why. Then we might better fairly apply the teaching. The first thing to note from our passage is that this discussion arises from a question designed to test (or more to the point, trap) Jesus. The Pharisees were seeking evidence on which to build a case against Jesus and be rid of him. So such a question was going to be loaded to try and show Jesus in a negative light. The loaded question in this case was, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

Now if Jesus was to say ‘yes’, then he would be denying the Genesis argument for two becoming one flesh – a worthy and high and Godly ideal. Also if Jesus was to say ‘yes’, he would be in some way endorsing the behaviour of many men in taking their marriage vows extremely lightly and dispensing of their wives for seemingly very trivial reasons (and it was only men who had such rights in the Jewish world of the time). So again, if Jesus said ‘yes’ to this question, he would be intensifying the existing oppression and discrimination against women. No wonder that Jesus would not want to say ‘yes’ in these circumstances!

However, if Jesus on the other hand was to say an outright ‘no’ to this question, then he would be seemingly contravening the ‘law of Moses’, which would set him up for claims of heresy (and also a degree of unreasonable rigidity). Either answer would have tended to see Jesus aligning himself with the various factional groups on either side of the issue. Not being willing to be trapped like this, Jesus threw the matter back on the Pharisees and asked them to offer their understanding. As usual, Jesus wanted to cut through the political manoeuvring and make a difference in people’s lives (and of course with due regard for the oppressed).

The Pharisees having related their take on what Moses had said on the matter, Jesus made the distinction between what is ideal and what has been made permissible. Indeed it was only because of the weakness of the behaviour of God’s people (out of their “hardness of heart” – v.5) that any such concession had been made. And this is why divorce remains a realistic option today – human beings find it so hard to maintain relationships. Yet marriage should be taken really seriously because at this level of intimacy, ‘two have become one flesh’ (and this was meant to be indissolvable).

Therefore, in Jesus’ mind, it was time to call the men to account. Such a concession as given by Moses had led to many men frivolously divorcing their wives, amongst other reasons, because of their interest in another woman. This would have to stop! Divorce in this world was not a matter for a legal or civic official. The husband would simply execute a divorce by saying words to the effect, “She is not my wife and I am not her husband”, and issuing a certificate to this effect. When this was being so callously misused, no wonder Jesus would say (v.9), “Therefore what God has joined together let no man separate”.

This was like an undoing of the very principles of creation. Jesus wanted to uphold the dynamic originating deep in the heart of creation itself. God’s faithfulness to humanity should be paralleled by a husband and wife’s faithfulness to each other; the pure intimacy within the Creating Trinity of God should be replicated in the pure and unbroken intimacy of husband and wife. That is what is at stake here.

It was time for men to face their responsibilities, not to fall back onto their rights. What were these men up to? At the very least they had tired of their wives for one reason or another, but this passage suggests that it was interest in other women that drove them to divorce their wives. This was an issue of the exploitation of women, the misuse of power, as well as the undermining of marriage … that Jesus wanted to redress. And the problem in view here is not so much divorce but adultery, caused by a lack of attention to the sacredness of marriage vows … which were a spoken witness to the notion of two becoming one. [Note how ‘headings’ used in the Bible can be misleading; this context advises us against making more of this passage than originally intended.]

We can see that this is the point from verses 11 and 12, where Jesus sits down to explain more clearly to his disciples. If a man looks at another woman in such a way as to seek divorce from one to marry another, he has committed adultery. It would have been the first part of this that would have come as a shock to those of Hebrew heritage, for there was no such crime as a man committing adultery against his wife!

“For Jesus, the woman is a person in her own right and is in no way inferior to her husband. She is neither his possession nor his chattel. Marriage is a relationship of reciprocal rights, for both husband and wife.” (Athol Gill, ‘Life on the Road’, p.191)

And then with Mark’s Gentile readership in mind (those from the Greco-Roman world, who would not be so influenced by ‘Mosaic law’, and where a woman had the right to divorce), if a woman looks at another man in such a way as to seek divorce from him to marry another, she has committed adultery. Jesus takes this opportunity to challenge his disciples and all followers to come (note again that this teaching is directed first and foremost at the church), to take their marital responsibilities seriously, to not treat their relationship with wife or husband lightly.

Now we know that some terrible abuses have occurred in some marriages, and we know that human weakness has often been exposed bringing great stress to marriage, and that even a sense of incompatibility has ended some marriages (and this has even been the case in ‘Christian marriages’). Whereas it is regrettable that circumstances have led to separation and divorce in many cases, this should not be the end of the world for people in this situation, nor should it be the end of hope for these ones.

There are opportunities for confessing fault, expressing forgiveness, and finding love again (even with a different person). This is a component of God’s graciousness and gracefulness to us. For many people, despite all the sadness involved, divorce is actually a great liberation (and re-marriage a magnificent gift). Part of our duty of welcoming people and allowing them to belong is related to people who have experienced broken relationships. Such people would need our non-judgemental support.

Also, part of our duty to God and each other in the church community, is to model to the best of our ability how God can grow relationships to their utmost potential. Some church people have married previous to becoming a Christian, and this has now, because of conflicting allegiances, become problematical. Even in the less than ideal circumstances (other than in situations of abuse or abandonment), once we are married, we will have to make the best of it, seek peace as much as it depends upon us, and continue to lovingly live out our faith. We need to pray and care for these people.

With this in mind, here is some advice for young people (and thus also parents of young people). It will not be possible to know that you have found the right person unless you have first found your own place in God’s heart, and that the other person has likewise made that discovery for themselves. Anything short of this is relying on good luck. To try to make relationships work, ignoring the God component, is way too hard. You can raise examples of other paths that have led to good outcomes, but I suggest that these miraculous exceptions have occurred as a result of immense prayer and God’s outrageous generosity – such people have been exceptionally blessed. Simply, in thinking about relationships, Christian young people must only consider those who are obviously true Jesus followers.

(2) Contemporary Application

What Jesus has in view here is the biblical ideal of protecting the sanctity of marriage. The point is to fulfil one’s responsibilities before divorce ever becomes an option. Of course it takes two to tango, which is true of preserving a marriage relationship. This is an essential part of our discipleship, our following of Jesus, our spirituality. How can we go about this?

We will certainly need to be diligent and proactive concerning our relationships in a number of ways:

a. Personal Behaviour – this of course connects with the words in the previous passage talking about the need to control what we touch, where we go and what we look at (and the severity of the judgement involved when we hurt others in failing to attend to this). We have to clean up our own act so as to be fully available to our spouse. Problems that disrupt intimacy need to be addressed. We have to take responsibility for any feelings of anger or frustration and deal with them before they spill over toward negative (or abusive) behaviour. This leads on to the need to speak to one another in a courteous, respectful, loving way.

b. Communication – we have to be open and honest with our spouse about everything that is happening with us. We have to find time and ways of talking about things, and not letting secrets or private areas of life develop … for ‘two have become one flesh’. This would especially involve conversations about the time spent apart, typically about various work situations and family roles. Good communication will lead to cooperative and effective decision-making. Expressions of gratefulness always go down well (so do special unexpected surprise encouragements).

c. Becoming Better Acquainted – which will include accepting and valuing differences as well as celebrating commonalities. Time needs to be spent together in mutually appreciated pursuits; sometimes these will need to be actively discovered. But also, attention will need to be given to your spouse’s interests and hobbies even if they don’t interest you much. And then there is the growthful process of working through all of the necessary planning for the future. Developing patience with the other person and also good time management will help greatly.

d. Discipleship – be committed together to God’s future for you. There may be competing factors at times when trying to get the decisions right, but an active openness to God first and foremost should result more often than not in the right course of action. To be a Jesus follower in marriage also requires some of the central themes of Jesus’ teaching to be evident e.g. humility, honesty, gentleness, forgiveness, faithfulness. Attention should be given to whether or not couples together are growing in faith and commitment to God.

e. Ministry/Mission – working out how your marriage with one another stands united as part of God’s mission to the world through the church … this should be a strengthening and focussing experience. What role does your family unit play in God’s work? The marriage that truly serves God together stays together. Children who grow up with a sense of a wider loving purposeful community (such as the church should be) are blessed indeed. Although they may stray (there are no guarantees), they have been given the best possible foundation on which to later build.

A good place to start in all this is to look towards God’s faithfulness to us. We studied this recently when we looked at God’s progressive commitments to humanity – referred to as “covenants”. Despite humanity’s rebellion, God continued to find ways of promising blessing and connecting with us. God has shown us favour unending. Ultimately, even in the face of hostility, God sent his Son Jesus to assuredly express his love for us. We need to adopt this quality of faithfulness in all aspects of our lives, but especially in our relationships. And this would count in our friendships, study and work interactions, social and church connections, as of course in our families and marriage relationships.

I would value your comments on all this.